Mother
It is time you knew
I am guilty of the following charges:
Attempting to lead an unarmed insurrection,
33 unpaid parking tickets (to date)
compulsive jaywalking,
second helpings with my fingers,
embezzlement of milk money for 45-rpm records,
forced humor,
passing on sensitive information,
compromising national security,
putting my elbows up on my lover’s table,
aiding and abetting Sacco and Vanzetti after the fact,
Conspiracy to simultaneously overthrow all governments,
incorporating nonprofit anti-corporations,
persistent, typically insatiable sexual obsessions,
self-indulgent laughter,
shoplifting at only the finest luxury superstores,
disorderly conduct and orderly misconduct,
embezzlement of hot lunch money for 33-rpm records,
inciting riots while skipping school,
transporting explosive material over state lines,
reading while driving
drinking past my bed time,
sleeping on the job,
falsifying documents in the name of the bored,
unfulfilled erotic desire with various genders,
repeated refusal to stand for national anthem(s)
harboring a beautiful fugitive,
philandering with my mouth full,
eating my homework,
tampering with evidence,
intimidating witnesses,
lying under growth,
impersonating an actor,
losing a sock and blaming it on you,
coveting my neighbor’s sister,
killing a television in self-defense,
disturbing the war,
throwing spitballs in the COINTELPRO league,
dumping compost on the freeway,
prolonged indecent exposure (without sun screen),
destruction of municipal property when discovering the meter maid was actually a man,
grandstanding with bleacher tickets,
statutory escape,
defacing billboards,
delusions of grandeur,
keeping on the grass,
spilling my guts in,
illegal wrestling with my future,
running over a stop sign
and scratching my fingernails over the chalkboard of indifference.