(page 1 of The South End insert)
Crystal Balling
The South End Political Affairs advisor has thrown his hat into the ring. No, he’s not running, but has gone out on a limb to predict the 1976 Republican candidate for president. Nelson Rockefeller is his name, ruling class, go-getting is his game. SEPA’s theory is that Rocky just ain’t acting like a submissive VP for nothing and that just as Ford arranged to pardon Nixon in advance, he also only planned to be Pres for the duration of Nixon’s term. Betty’s health, among other things, will give Jerry an out. What will Jerry do after his time is up? Return to Michigan and act as official target for the Michigan Police Pistol Team, a source has told the South End.
‘Builders’ Realty ‘Refusers’
WSU has announced this year’s annual “Builders of Detroit” award winners. The Builders were picked for their “unusual dedication in opposing everything the Motor City represents,” according to outgoing WSU president George Gullen. The honorees are:
Albert Jinsenweed, 38, of Troy, who owes WSU $76,567 in unpaid tuition; Anne Carrie, 21, of Detroit, who received a WSU diploma without ever having attended a class; Lois Van Biffie, 20, of Detroit, who broke into the WSU computer system and upped all university workers’ wages 23%; George F. Brown, 26, of Detroit, who successfully closed the university when he sent forged press releases to Detroit-area media announcing WSU’s shutdown in honor of his birthday.
Also to be honored will be the entire staff of the WSU College of Engineering who offered to shut down their school to save the university money and then designed plans to blow up the Renaissance Center’s three-story cement “berm”, which will eventually surround the project.
Ford Down, Rock to Summit
Gerald Ford, President of the United States, died peacefully in his sleep last night. Nelson Rockefeller was sworn in as his successor early this morning. “Fellas,” Rockefeller told the press, “I’m going to give it my best.”